Wednesday, February 27, 2013

Home Sweet Home

I don't like to travel for work.  I'm not the most adventurous guy in wanting to see all the sights and do things while away from home.  I do admit I love to sample the local food and I enjoy pushing my limits as to what I will eat, but that is really it for me.

I like to be home.  I like to sleep in my own bed, drive my own car, and essentially do what I do every day.  Despite all the problems I have in my marriage having my wife next to me at night is very comforting, to me at least.

That comfort, however, is why many of us struggle on our Red Pill journeys.  Many of us talk a big game and will bloviate about leaving our wives if we don't get more sex but that is as far as many will go.  It pains me to say this but the comfort of my marriage, a completely sexless and uninspired marriage, is still a comfort.  The fact that I might be allowed to have sex every few months often looks better than the uncertainty if I will ever have sex again.

I think many of us, myself especially, will often find ways to sabotage our progess to keep the status quo of our lives.  I don't have money for better clothes.  I don't have time to get a nice haircut.  I'm running late for work so will just buy a sandwhich instead of making a salad.  These are all things that can really be true, but they may also just be things we tell ourselves to keep from being awesome.

I mean think about it.  What if my MAP really worked.  What if I had a great body, dressed well, looked great, and were a real catch.  Then what?  Do I really have what it takes to start over.  The fear of that might be enough to sabotage my progress at any point so I don't ever have to deal with that.

Does my fear of moving on, and moving away from the life I know, drive me to make bad decisions?

I don't really know, but it's a question we all need to ask ourselves.

Friday, February 22, 2013

Meatball Parm with Bacon and Extra Cheese

I was originally going to title this one "Are you doing this for me?" but changed my mind.

One of the things that get's talked about on the various Red Pill sites is Outcome Independence.  This is especially important for anyone following a Male Action Plan that involves dressing better and getting in shape.

After a few months of working out and dieting you decide to put the moves on your wife and get shot down, just like every other time.  Then the questions start in your head.  Why am I doing this.  Why do I eat salad every day if it doesn't matter.  I could just go order the Meatball Parm and enjoy what I'm doing.  The outcome will be the same, which means I won't ever have sex again with my wife, but at least I'll be eating something I enjoy.

This is when Outcome Independence really matters.  Many start this journey to improve themselves and hope to become more attractive to their signicant other but that sets you up for failure.  You/We/I need to constantly remind ourselves that this journey is for us.  If she wants to come along for the ride that would be great, but the journey will continue either way.

I don't eat/dress/workout this way for her.  I do it for myself.  I want to improve myself.  This is my journey.

She hates that I say I'm doing these things for myself.  I could lie and say it's for her, but then I would be right back to where I started.  A Beta door mat who's entire life revolves around trying to impress my wife.

Impress her for what.  So she can come to bed in a t-shirt and her old lady panties every night with me hoping that she might ALLOW me to have sex with her while she lays there like a corpse.  No thanks.

This is my journey.
This is my life.
I will improve for myself.
I will look the way I want for myself.
I will dress the way I want for myself.

My goal is to make myself the best person I can be.  The goal is what drives us everyday.  The goal is what will stop me from ordering the meatball parm.

Tuesday, February 19, 2013

Mr Money Was Right

For those who don't get the reference Mr Money was a character from the movie DC Cab.  The movie itself was pretty bad but for some reason it made an impression on me.  I still use a few quotes from it to this day.

Anyway, one of my favorite lines from the movie was when Mr Money said "Don't let your dick run your life".

Pretty common line in movies these days with many variations, like "Your thinking with the wrong head" and stuff like that.  At the time I thought it was funny but never really appreciated it until recently.

As a new convert to the Red Pill stuff I, like most guys, spent a good deal of time looking at different blogs and message boards for inspiration and insight.  I found a lot of good info, and some not so good, but I have an observation that get's me back to Mr Money's quote.

The people who comment and post on different boards, one of which is the Married Man Sex Life Primer forum, seem to be broken up into a few distinct groups.

The first group is the guys who have a really good grasp of the Captain/First Officer model and really thrive in it.  They have developed, through hard work and dedication, all the traits needed to helm the ship that is their life.  Their First Officer is exactly that, the second in command and able work with the Captain, for the Captain, and then in place of the Captain when needed.  This is the model that I want to be and what drives me in much of what I do.

The second group make up the majority of people who participate and are the guys who think Captain/First Officer really means Captain/Servant.  Their First Officer is just a tool to help them achieve whatever kind of sexual fulfillment they want.  They are not equals, or partners of the ship, they are simply the person who's job it is to make me cum.  A recent discussion on the MMSL forum really started me to think about this:

http://marriedmansexlife.vanillaforums.com/discussion/3298/menses-v-s-sexlife-the-rematch

I'll save everyone the pain of reading it so here is the readers digest version.  Guy tells his wife he wants to have sex, wife responds that she has been bleeding from the uterus for the past 5 days and is not up to sex, guy responds that her mouth still works.  This is a really twisted view of what a good Captain/First Officer relationship should be.

The last group, and luckily they are very small, are the true misogynist types.  Every woman is out to get them so they need to get them first.

So after all that what does it have to do with Mr Money.  Many guys, like myself, start this journey because we want to be better men.  We want to be good husbands, fathers, workers, just simply to be great men.  Now I fully admit, I want more sex from my wife.  I want hot dirty sex from her on a regular basis, and I hope that one outcome of this journey is that happens.  But it's not the only reason I am doing this.

If you took the Red Pill for the express purpose of being able to cum in your wife's mouth during her period then more power to you but I think you are missing the point.  You are letting your dick run your life instead of really being the Captain and controlling where this journey takes you.

Friday, February 15, 2013

Starting the Journey

My first blog post.  Wooo Freaking Whooooo!!!

I am doing this as a cathartic part of my Red Pill journey.  I'll start with some background.

Middle age white guy in a completly sexless mariage.  Don't really need to say more.....but I will.

Married, and sexless, with two totally awesome kids.  College educated with a good paying job.  Been a lifter for many years but I can admit I'm overweight and out of shape.  Dressed like a homeless person but kept most other things in pretty good condition.

Then I found the Red Pill

I've only been on my journey for a few weeks so nothing much to report but that's why it's a journey.  A process of ways to improve myself.  I want to write that again just to make sure I am clear.  A journey to improve MYSELF.

I hope that I am one day able to have lots and lots of hot dirty sex with my wife, but that's not why I'm doing this.  I fully admit it's why I started and how I found the red pill, but I realize the only way I can make this journey, is to make it for myself.

Take it one day at a time and see what happens.  I can say that it no matter what I will make the changes needed to be able to enjoy my life.

318 Out...