Sunday, March 24, 2013

Call RotoRooter, or take the Red Pill

It's amazing how I can see behavior in other people and not see it in myself.

My wife is currently working a temporary position.  She has been there about a month and may be there another month but nothing long term.  I won't try and get into the details of how her position works but suffice to say that she works directly for one person(call her Boss Lady), but takes some direction from a different person in another department(call her Magz). From a corporate standpoint Magz and Boss Lady are both on the same level.

Magz is not happy with how Boss Lady runs her department, but is not in a position to do anything about it.  Over the course of their working together my wife has become friendly, but certainly not friends, with Magz.  Last week Magz started to talk with my wife about all the garbage that she hates about Boss Lady.  She even wrote a long e-mail detailing much of what she had already talked about.

My wife read the e-mail and made a thoughtful response to Magz.  Magz responded to that by saying "OK, thanks".  That was it.

My wife wasn't sure why she responded that way and I said it's because Magz looks at you like her emotional toilet (get the Roto Rooter reference now?).

Magz didn't want my wife's input or feedback.  She just wanted to dump on her, flush, and walk away.  Magz does not look at my wife as an equal, or friend, or anything really.  She is just a place to dump her emotions.

Of course the Emotional Toilet line from me seemed obvious when I heard the story.  It wasn't until later that I realized that is exactly what I've been for my wife for the past 15 years.  My wife would come home from work and spend a good portion of our time together complaining about her job.  I would listen and offer some advice but it was always met with her version of "OK, thanks".

Taking the Red Pill is supposed to open your eyes to reality of your life.  I am starting to understand what that means.  Many men just focus on sex or being more Alpha, but I can see now there is a lot more to this.

For much of our marriage I was not my wife's friend, or equal, or anything other than her emotional toilet.  Dump, flush, and walk away.  I hated all of these conversations because I knew there was no reason for me to be there.  If not for the fact that she would have felt really stupid doing it she could have just told her work stories to the wall and it would have had the same effect.  The only difference being that the wall would not nod from time to time to seem like it was listening to what she was saying.

I have only opened my eyes to my own behavior recently.  Like Neo in the Matrix taking the Red Pill just allows you to see the reality of your life, it doesn't tell you how to fix it.

So I know what I'm doing wrong, but I don't know how to change it.

GI Joe would always say "Knowing is half the battle" so I guess seeing what I've been doing means I'm half way there.  I would guess, however, that the first half was the easy part.  Figuring out how not to be my wife's toilet will be much harder than figuratively taking a pill.

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