Monday, March 4, 2013

No Cheating Now......

Not that kind of cheating.

I'll write another post about that kind but I have zero respect for a man who cheats while married, or even dating.  If you want to have sex with another person then man up, end your relationship, and move on.  But that is another post for another time.

The cheating I'm talking about are those of us who are doing a dopamine reset.

I won't make this long but just some quick background.  My marriage has been a low/no sex one for nearly 10 years.  Once my son was born it was every few months at best.  I, like a number of other guys, turned to porn.  Because of a very stressful time my wife had at work about 5 years ago we went over a year with no sex at all.  In order to deal with that I used more porn.  The first time we did have sex after that I had ED and it's been downhill ever since.

I tried a number of herbal remedies, got Viagra, worked on my diet but everything had varying levels of effectiveness.  I do realize that much of my problem was performance anxiety since I know going in that this may be the only time in the next few months I will have a chance of having sex, but it wasn't the only problem.  In doing some research I came across the idea of Porn Induced Erectile Disfunction.

Your Brain on Porn

The idea is that the visual stimulation that some guys get from porn (and I do emphesize some guys) makes real sex not that appealing.  Like any drug the level of porn I needed to be able to masturbate was growing, along with the edginess of the porn itself.  A simple scene of a man and woman having sex would get no reaction from me.

So about 2 months ago I went cold turkey with the porn.  Well, sort of.  This is what I meant about cheating.

I can't really do the movement justice but it's loosely explained that No Fapping is based on resetting our bodies by cutting out the porn, but also to abstain from any kind of sex unless it's with your partner.  No masturbating, edging, anything.  It started well but eventually I found that I could watch some really hot non-porn things on You Tube.  Videos of lesbians kissing and woman in spandex were easy to find, and it was also easy for my hamster to see it was not porn.  I was also edging while watching, but again my hamster said how can this not help.

This past weekend, after several weeks of sexing my wife and tracking her cycle I thought I was headed to sex.  I had already posted I was going to be more aggresive, and I was taking charge, but again the ED was a problem.

Many guys, and I'm obviously one of them, will MAP for a short while then start to have sex again.  This can work for some, but it's not working for me.  I realize just working to get in better shape and dress better is a part of my MAP, but it's not the only part.  I need to work on what's in my head and I will start by abstaining for the rest of the month.  This will need to mean no more edging and no more non-porn porn for me.

I will also try a new tactic.  Anytime I get the urge to watch something I shouldn't or do something I shouldn't I'll go find a little area and do a burpee tabata.  Keeps me from relapsing on my No Fap agreement, but will also work to get me in better shape.

Again, it's a work in progress and I'll only know how it goes once it actually goes.

Here's to being a better man.

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