Friday, May 31, 2013

Your Equation Is Missing Some Variables

I saw this posting some time ago and wanted to put my spin on it.


female-beauty-from-5-to-7

















The post itself is interesting, and like usual I will save everyone from having to read the whole thing.

So here is the condensed version:
Above picture is posted....
People are asked to rate which girl is hotter....
Results are that most guys choose the girl on the left......
And the final reveal is the girl on the right is a pre-operative transsexual.

Hilarity then ensues.

Now I fully admit that when I fist took the survey I picked the girl on the left.  And I also get it that the point of the posting was to try and show that beauty/attractiveness/hotness is somewhat universal.  Guys, for the most part, have predefined things that we find attractive in a female and the picture is a good example of what those things are.

But like my other postings, my interest here is not in the obvious.  Read down into the comments and that is when it get's interesting.

It took a few people, but eventually you start seeing guys posting about how hot the girl on the left is.  I admit she is pretty, and again I did pick her, but can you really define how hot she is just based on a picture.  My fantasy version of her might be hot, but is that the reality.

Recently there was a girl at a sporting event that got a lot of TV coverage.  She was in the right spot at the right time and the cameras caught her.  The local sport stations went nuts trying to find her and eventually one succeeded.  She was young, pretty, and available so they had her on the radio for a dating game.  I followed along until she opened her mouth.

Saying she was a dumb as a box of hammers would be an insult to hammers.  Add that to one of the most annoying voices you could imagine and you have this girl that guys were calling in for the chance of getting a date.

This is one, if not THE, biggest reasons why I don't even get caught up in the sex rank garbage.  Because I don't think they are accurate beyond what a guys penis thinks.  The girl in the picture is pretty, but I am not ready to blather on about drinking her bath water just because she has blonde hair and big boobs.

Now my view, and the view of people who posted on that blog, has to be taken with a big pinch of reality salt.  Chateau Heartiste is a blog aimed at the PUA community so most of the guys are just looking for the next place to stick their dicks.  I look at that picture as a middle age father.  While I, and the PUA guys, admit the girl is pretty, I can't take the leap to hot that these other guys do.

As I had mentioned the other day:

Thanks-for-making-my-point

Everyone who takes the Red Pill will be able to see the reality of their own world, but not everyone lives in the same reality.  It's great fun to look at all the other postings in the Manosphere and enjoy the different thoughts and ideas, but not everything works for everyone.

One of the things I am learning about being an Alpha Male, is that it can't be easily defined.  It's not as simple as a list of bullet points to be followed.  Like in math, we are all governed by the equations of our lives.  The outcome to be alpha is the same, but the variables that make up each of our equations are not.  My needs, and variables, as a 42 year of married father are not the same as a 22 year of PUA.  Neither of us is right or wrong in what we are doing as long as we are seeing the reality of our world and responding appropriately.

If you saw the girl as hot, or possibly hot, or not at all then you are right.  If you saw this as an inappropriate question because it's wrong to even try and evaluate a woman then take a few more Red Pills and come back later.

Friday, May 24, 2013

Thanks For Making My Point

I will be the first one to admit that I read Adventures In Red Pill Wifery for the titillation and the not to be enlightened.  But this one did both, of sorts.

Below is a posting that really caught my eye and seems to run counter to some of what I had believed.

Wants-vs-needs-a-reminder-to-myself

I've posted in the past my disdain for men who treat their wives like children.  A big part of me always believed, or wanted to believe, that this was just the men pushing their view of marriage on their wives.

Well, apparently I was wrong.  Seems like there are woman who like, and want, this kind of relationship.

I'm happy to say neither my wife or I am in that category.  As I've mentioned before, I can really see the allure of a concubine that you are legally tied to, but for me that would get old very quickly.

My point in posting this is to make sure it's clear that taking the Red Pill will allow people to see the reality of their world, but we all do actually live in different worlds.  If your wife needs, wants, and even craves to be a submissive to you then taking the pill will, hopefully, open your eyes to that and allow you to develop an awesome relationship with her.

Red Pill Wifey has a great relationship with her husband.  While the it's not the life I want, her husband has complete and total control of her after taking the pill, and that is what she wanted. Too often, however, men will take the Red Pill but be unwilling to see their own reality. An emerging "Alpha Male", fresh off of his enlightenment, will read these types of blogs coupled with his own desire to dominate his partner, and try and force this type of relationship on his wife.  A few weeks later he will be on the MMSL boards looking for advice on why his MAP isn't working.

The Red Pill reality, however, is that not every woman wants to be in a sub/dom relationship.  And not every man wants to be either.

I've recently become fascinated with the idea of male chastity.  As soon as you say that many people will assume you want to be turned into your wife's sissy maid cuckold made to service her extremely well hung black alpha lover.   But I think the majority of men, like myself, just find it fascinating as a game to play.  A week or two of chastity play seems like fun.  A lifestyle of orally cleaning up after your wife's lover does not sound like fun.

The Red Pill can not tell you which direction to go with your relationship.  It can only show you the reality of what you have created.   Ultimately the person taking the pill needs to make these decisions for themselves.

Take the pill, be honest about the reality you already have, and be honest about the reality you want.  Make your decision and own it.

Sunday, May 19, 2013

Chairman of the Board

I was over on the Married Mans Forum and came across another gem of a posting.

Get-off-the-damn-computer-already

My wife is another person who spends an enormous amount of time on social media type sites like Facebook and pintrest.  I understand that on many levels it's an escape for her, just like us guys who watch porn and lift weights.

Like before my interest is not in the obvious ones here.  The guy is posting because his wife is doing things that she wants to do, instead of what he wants her to do.  What she is doing is just a byproduct of what is available to her which is why I don't like to get caught up in demonizing computers and technology.

Not to long ago I wrote a post about guys who are looking for very immature relationships.


But I Already Have Kids

Computer guy, and nearly all of the people who commented, seem very similar in how they deal with their wives.  Limiting her time on the computer, or putting blockers on, or even a suggestion to put a virus on her computer all point to a deeper and rather dark secret.

These men don't treat their wives like women.  They treat them like children.

The general theme of these postings and questions all revolve around how to make a grown woman do what I want her to do.  My question is why???

I do understand the concept of Captain/First Office that Athol and many other Red Pill writers discus, but I don't think that always works, or I don't think all the men out there interpret it it in a healthy way.  I think it's perfect for relationship where the woman WANTS to be submissive to her husband.  I'm starting to think, however, that for two successful and driven people, to have a man led relationship it needs to work more like a board of directors.

Reading a lot of these postings it's easy to see that many of these men don't really care what their wives want.  They expect to get sex whenever they want and do what they are told.  And the men turn into winy little bitches when that doesn't happen.  A self confident, and successful women, will eat men (or should I say boys) like this alive.

But in a board of directors their is a chairman, who steers the decisions the board makes, and also speaks on behalf of the board when needed.  However the chairman is no more or less powerful then any other member.  They each get one vote, and they both vote on their own without being told how to vote by anyone else.  This is the point that get's lost on many Red Pill sites.

Many men take the Red Pill and expect, or more likely hope, that their wives will become submisive sex slaves.  But for those of us who want to be in an alpha male led relationship with a woman whose goal in life isn't to lick my boots then a different tact is needed.

There are many happy relationships built on the Captain/First Officer model and they work great.  But if ordering your First Office to put away the computer because you NEED a blowjob isn't work, maybe you need to try treating them like a grown up and not like a child.

Thursday, May 16, 2013

You Just Want Me For Sex...

At least that's what women have been taught to believe.  More specifically, it's what my woman does believe.

This might fall under the overused, and often abused, pop-sychology crap that a lot of bloggers in the manosphere get off on but I'm wading in with my idea.  Or, more like my personal observation of a guy who took the Red Pill.

The below posting, at the Post Masculine blog, is about how an emotional breakup really wrecked him on sex and how he dealt with it.

How to stop lying to yourself


Now to bring everyone up to speed:
Guy is in a relationship with girl.
Guy has sex.
Girl emotionally destroys him.
Guy swears off sex, but not relationships.

It's an interesting read, and I think most men can take away a number of things about how we deal with ourselves, but for me the more interesting question was why he avoided sex.

Sex brings about a level of intimacy and closeness for a man that many women just don't understand.  There are men in the PUA community who can, and do, use women as nothing more than cum receptacles but I think these assholes are the exception, not the rule.  Most men, like myself, can say that marriage without sex is just being roommates.  I also feel that most women, like my wife, don't believe us.

It feels like for my wife it is just easier to accept that I'm nothing more than a well paid penis than to see me as a man who uses that penis to bring a level of closeness to a relationship that you can't get to any other way.  She, like many women I gather, see sex as just two bodies using each other for their own physical needs.  The idea that I want her for sex, and just her, to bring us closer as a couple is something she just won't or can't accept.

Like the link posted above, for a well adjusted man sex brings a level of closeness and intimacy that can't be found any other way.  By denying his subsequent girlfriends any sexual contact he was keeping a distance between them that no amount of "What are you thinking?" questions will ever break thru.  No matter how many times she tells her friends they were meant to be together, or how much they love each other, no amount of words can bridge the gap that a sexless relationship creates.

If you want to be close, and feel close to your man, then you will have to have sex with him.  As horrible as that sounds to many wives out there it's a truth that you can't talk your way out of.

As I've said before, if bad/no sex was the only problem in my relationship, I don't think I could justify ending my marriage.  But having zero closeness or intimacy with her makes all the other trivial things seem that much bigger and can make the decision to leave a lot easier.

Tuesday, May 14, 2013

This Is Why I Hate Holidays!!!

Just to be clear, I don't hate all holidays, just some.

It wasn't always this way, but I can say that my wife has completely sucked whatever joy I had gotten from them out.

I don't know if this is a world wide type of thing, but here in the US yesterday was Mother's Day.  I don't have a problem with celebrating this holiday, along with Father's Day, Presidents Day, and all the other Hallmark days.  But there comes a point where as adults, we need to accept that it's not that big of a deal.

Now if you are a total crappy person, and this turns out to be the only day you are nice to your mother, then I can see the need for some extra effort.  But I think for most of us married guys, who are married to women that have had kids, it's not supposed to be some huge over the top day.  A flower, a nice breakfast, and a break for her usual day.  Though when it comes to my wife there isn't really much to her day that she needs a break from.

Now over the course of our marriage, coming up on 18 years now, I can remember a hand full of these types of holidays that we DIDN'T fight.  Actually it wasn't so much a fight as her yelling at me for not doing something that she expected me to do, even though she didn't tell me.  But I'm an adult and can handle this.  She would have a huge blow up, sleep somewhere that I wasn't, and then in a few days calm down and we would get on with our lives.

This year, however, was different.....sort of.

You see the day went as well as any other Mother's Day.  She was angry that we didn't do enough, but she decided to vent a lot of her anger at our 13 year old daughter.

A little out of place here, but just to make things easier from now on our daughter will be referred to as Killer K, and our son will be Mr Broadway.  Now back to the show.....

It actually started the previous week when they had a plant sale at school.  My wife gave Mr Broadway money on his day at the plant sale.  He bought some huge thing and brought it home.  When it was Killer K's day at the plant sale neither of us had any cash.  I meant to stop on the way to school to give her some but I forgot.

So Killer K came home with nothing, and my wife exploded.  Yelling that she always has money to buy ice cream at school, for 1$, but didn't have the $20 a big plant at the sale cost.  And the weekend went downhill from there.

My wife even said she didn't want Killer K to eat dinner with us on Mother's Day.

Then on the next day I saw this.


This wasn't me snooping in her journal or anything, though I admit that I don't have any problem doing that.  I keep it a secret so she keep writing, but like many 13 year old girls she doesn't tell me a whole lot about what is going on in her life.  This was something she had written in a new notebook and left in the basement on the table that I keep my workout journal on.  It was meant to be seen, but I have not shown my wife.

So because of a made up holiday, that we did actually celebrate just not in the way my wife wanted, my daughter writes that her mother hates her.  I had days, as I kid, when I wasn't too happy with my parents but I can't imagine what it must take to drive a girl to write those words about her own mother.

I understand being disappointing.  Getting married, only to think how lucky I am that my wife agrees to have sex with me every couple of months, is pretty disappointing.  But I'm an adult and can deal with this.  What is a little girl to do.

I don't really know what to do with this.  I should tell my wife that she needs to work on her relationship with her daughter, but someone I think that will just turn into more yelling at my daughter and I and nothing will change.

To be honest I'm not sure why I even wrote this posting.  It doesn't really have anything to with being a man and taking the red pill but it was just something I wanted to vent on.

Looking forward now to the next made up holiday so I can go thru this all over again.

Tuesday, May 7, 2013

I'll Have the Road Kill Special!!!!

Not the best visual but hopefully it get's my point across.

As I've been on this journey I have done a good bit of soul searching.  Trying to figure myself out.  One area that has gotten a good deal of attention, as I think most guys in sexless marriages also do, has been about sex.

I've mentioned in the post no-cheating-now about my porn/masturbation problem and I've been working to get that under control.  Since I rarely if ever have sex with my wife, no masturbation turns into celibacy.  No sex, orgasm, or anything.  As the desire to have sex, and orgasm, build my resolve to not do it falls.  Eventually I find my mind going to places I never knew existed.  While I never physically pursued it I have been on Craigs List in the casual encounters section and saw lots and lots of guys like myself.  Sexless at home and desperate.  Looking for regular sex eventually leads to cross dressing guys offering to blow each other.

One thing that I have been really consumed with is the concept of male chastity.  I've actually been debating about telling my wife.  The videos and stories online about it make it seem really hot don't they, but I don't see me/us doing this full time.

To be honest I don't really see us doing it at all, but this is how the deprived male mind works.

Take someone who eats on a regular basis and offer then a meal made of road kill and they will push it away.  Put that same person on a desert island for a few days and they will be more receptive.  Give it a few weeks and they will eat food that would Make Andrew Zimmerman gag.

I think sex is a lot like that.  Once it goes away completely, like during my reset, my mind is desperate for any kind of fix and what for a person in a normal sex relationship is horrifying sounds awesome to guys like me.  At first the guys on Craigs List seemed like married gay dudes who didn't want to admit they were gay.  But after enough time I started to see how they got there, and that if I didn't do something to get my head on straight that would eventually be me.

I don't really want my wife to lock my penis away, force me to dress like a maid, and use me like a human toilet.  But she is clearly not into me now, so my own hamster starts to spin and thinks maybe she will be into that.  She doesn't have to have sex with me but it's still the physical intimacy that I really crave.  The rational person would say if she is not into you now, adding some kink won't change that, but a weak mind is easy to lead.

I can see the attraction to male chastity, and many of the kinky lifestyle choices, but maybe in small doses for me.  But I would need a willing partner, and that is something I don't have right now.

My main point in writing this is so I remember to always evaluate the whole situation.  Don't do something stupid just because I want to right now.  I will be honest and admit that the idea of wearing heals and a chastity device while orally servicing a guy wearing a dress in a viewing booth at the adult book store can seem hot, but it doesn't get me to what I ultimately want.

Life, and love, is a marathon.  Don't make any rash decisions and keep your eye on the finish line.

P.S. I have to say that I wrote this earlier today, while on Amazon.com looking for chastity devices and trying to figure out how to ask my wife.  I came back to post this a little later and simply writing this has made me feel a lot better.  I'm working on another post about why I blog, and I think this showed me another reason.  Just putting these ideas out there has really cleared my head and taught me another lesson.  Just put it all out there.  I do, and will, feel much better after and it has really helped me to recognize what was going on in my own head.

Wednesday, May 1, 2013

Just Do the Burpees Already!!!!

I'm not really a fan of Crossfit.

Actually, to be specific, I don't like the company called Crossfit.  Like many I despise much of their marketing material and find the whole notion that they invented something that many of us were doing decades ago very annoying.

I do, however, like the fitness model they use in the boxes.  One of the reasons I think people are drawn to it is because the program is effective, but I don't think it's for the reason people think.

The idea of timed circuit weight training, or metabolic conditioning, is not new.  People have been doing that for a long time.  Adding in olympic and gymnastic movements adds variety but again, I don't think the movements themselves are what really work.

I think the reason people have great sucess is because of the white board.  Your average guy/gal looking to get in shape will go to a gym and decide to do 45 minutes of stuff.  The only person holding them accountable for what they do is themselves.  If they do more or less than last time it's only on them.  Things like I don't feel well, or I'm tired, or I have a lot of stuff going on at work all creep into the mind and can give anyone a reason to not push.

But knowing that at the end of your workout your name and time/reps will be put up for all to see keeps you honest.  You will push yourself because everyone is, and because everyone will see what you did.

I think the idea of personal accountability in a workout is something that many people, like myself, either don't have or lost at some point.  I fully admit there are times when I just go thru the motions of my workout.  I'm tired/hungry/distracted/etc...take your pick.  Some of them are honest reasons, but most are excuses for not pushing myself.

And this is where the burpees come in.  I would often pick easier movements, or ones that I enjoy doing, when putting together my training.  Avoiding the tough movements and focusing on the stuff I was good at allowed me to push what I wanted, and not what I needed.  But I am starting to realize that avoiding the hard stuff doesn't help me.  And in many ways it hurts by allowing me to think it's OK to not do stuff you don't like.

Just like taking the Red Pill, doing burpees was, and is, tough for me.  But just like the Red Pill it's a necessity for my life to move forward.  Embrace the suck, and you will one day be able to embrace the life you want.