Tuesday, May 7, 2013

I'll Have the Road Kill Special!!!!

Not the best visual but hopefully it get's my point across.

As I've been on this journey I have done a good bit of soul searching.  Trying to figure myself out.  One area that has gotten a good deal of attention, as I think most guys in sexless marriages also do, has been about sex.

I've mentioned in the post no-cheating-now about my porn/masturbation problem and I've been working to get that under control.  Since I rarely if ever have sex with my wife, no masturbation turns into celibacy.  No sex, orgasm, or anything.  As the desire to have sex, and orgasm, build my resolve to not do it falls.  Eventually I find my mind going to places I never knew existed.  While I never physically pursued it I have been on Craigs List in the casual encounters section and saw lots and lots of guys like myself.  Sexless at home and desperate.  Looking for regular sex eventually leads to cross dressing guys offering to blow each other.

One thing that I have been really consumed with is the concept of male chastity.  I've actually been debating about telling my wife.  The videos and stories online about it make it seem really hot don't they, but I don't see me/us doing this full time.

To be honest I don't really see us doing it at all, but this is how the deprived male mind works.

Take someone who eats on a regular basis and offer then a meal made of road kill and they will push it away.  Put that same person on a desert island for a few days and they will be more receptive.  Give it a few weeks and they will eat food that would Make Andrew Zimmerman gag.

I think sex is a lot like that.  Once it goes away completely, like during my reset, my mind is desperate for any kind of fix and what for a person in a normal sex relationship is horrifying sounds awesome to guys like me.  At first the guys on Craigs List seemed like married gay dudes who didn't want to admit they were gay.  But after enough time I started to see how they got there, and that if I didn't do something to get my head on straight that would eventually be me.

I don't really want my wife to lock my penis away, force me to dress like a maid, and use me like a human toilet.  But she is clearly not into me now, so my own hamster starts to spin and thinks maybe she will be into that.  She doesn't have to have sex with me but it's still the physical intimacy that I really crave.  The rational person would say if she is not into you now, adding some kink won't change that, but a weak mind is easy to lead.

I can see the attraction to male chastity, and many of the kinky lifestyle choices, but maybe in small doses for me.  But I would need a willing partner, and that is something I don't have right now.

My main point in writing this is so I remember to always evaluate the whole situation.  Don't do something stupid just because I want to right now.  I will be honest and admit that the idea of wearing heals and a chastity device while orally servicing a guy wearing a dress in a viewing booth at the adult book store can seem hot, but it doesn't get me to what I ultimately want.

Life, and love, is a marathon.  Don't make any rash decisions and keep your eye on the finish line.

P.S. I have to say that I wrote this earlier today, while on Amazon.com looking for chastity devices and trying to figure out how to ask my wife.  I came back to post this a little later and simply writing this has made me feel a lot better.  I'm working on another post about why I blog, and I think this showed me another reason.  Just putting these ideas out there has really cleared my head and taught me another lesson.  Just put it all out there.  I do, and will, feel much better after and it has really helped me to recognize what was going on in my own head.

No comments:

Post a Comment