Monday, July 29, 2013

Long Time No Post

I won't say it's been a rough few weeks, because it really hasn't.

What I can say, however, is that blogging has never been, and never really will be, a top priority for me.  There are many bloggers, not just manosphere ones, who clearly are great writers and really enjoy it.  They are more likely to skip a workout then not post something.  You also get the sense that many of them see blogging as a way to get their foot in the door of a potential paying writing job.

I don't really enjoy writing.  As a dyslexic the written word has always been a struggle with me, and it still is.  But I write because it's an outlet for my thoughts and as I recently learned it keeps me honest.

The past few weeks have just been very full for me.  Traveling with Killer K's team and working lots to finish some big projects sitting in front of my computer and typing just took a back seat, but so did some other things.

I have not missed any workouts but they were not very good.  My diet has really sucked and my alpha around the house has been weak.  I don't blame this on not writing, but going several weeks without posting has kind of fed into not having anything to post about.  Just like working out taking the Red Pill requires goals, focus, and work.  I allowed myself to become consumed by other things recently and have let much of my other things slide.

I didn't gain 50 pounds or start dressing like a slob again but there are subtle things that started to slip.  Shaving every day and working on non-weight type workouts started to slip.  Watching what I ate and putting effort into my diet morphed into what was available and easy.

So today I am committing to restart my effort.  Like most men who blog about being a sexless beta I am not a natural in shape alpha.  I would like to be, and I think I will be one day, but it takes a constant daily effort on my part.  When the required stuff starts to take over it's easy to let the other non-essentials slide.  But that is not being alpha.

Being Alpha, to me at least, means to take charge of your life and become the leader/captain of it and not just a passenger.  Starting today it is back to square one.

As my friend in high school was fond of saying:

"Today is the first day of the rest of your life"

There is no point in worry about what happened since I can't change it.  My goal is to learn and get better from the experience.  I am not proud of how I handled these past few weeks, but it's in the past now and I will move on.

Today truly is the first day of the rest of my life.  And I will live it the way I want.

Tuesday, July 9, 2013

If A Fat Girl Gives You an IOI....

Does it really happen?

One of the more common themes I see on many manosphere sites is the idea that an IOI (Indication of Interest) is a good barometer of how much alpha someone has gained.

For most guys, when the young cashier at the Quckie Mart says have a nice day, she really just means have a nice day.  But for a recent Red Pill convert, what he hears is "Take me in the back room and have your way with me".  How the girl responded to you is no different, but how each person interprets it is.  The guy getting the IOI really has no idea if the cashier is being anything other than nice.  His frame, however, has him believing that she wants him.

This is where the fat girl reference comes in.  Inevitably, if someone posts they got an IOI, it was a pretty girl who is always younger and hotter than their wife or girlfriend.  The incident itself could very well have been real, but because the guy finds her attractive her simple act of being nice becomes an IOI.  Indication of Interest again.  Her actual intent is just to be nice, but Mr Alpha's frame interprets that as wanting him.  This then allows him to go home, treat his wife like crap, then post on some message board about how awesome he is.  If, however, he does not find the girl attractive then the exact same IOI just becomes a girl being nice.

My problem with this is again, each person is not seeing what is really happening.  A guy is supposed to take the Red Pill and then clearly see the world around him.  Instead he see it through his new Alpha glasses.  Every hot girl within 10 feet of him now wants him, and any woman who he doesn't find attractive could throw herself at him and he won't see it.  What is better is if he also mentions that he has only been mapping a few weeks and he can tell that the girl is looking at him because of all his new muscle.

I mentioned this in a previous posting how guys who do this are not really seeing clearly.  They are still forcing the issue to try and frame themselves in a certain way.  What's worse is that they then use this self created vision of themselves to judge others against.  Most will never admit it but they are often mad at their wives and girlfriends because they won't given them anal like the cashier surely would.  I mean she said have a nice day, what more evidence do you need!!!!

The reason for me posting this was because I just went through this myself.  Here in the North East it's pool time.  I enjoy the time outside with the kids and it's nice to cool off on a hot day.  But I will also admit that I have a bathing suit fetish and I like to go to the pool to see women in bathing suits.  On an average day there may be 100 people at the pool and only 5 or 6 are worth looking at.  The problem is when one of those women decides to sit next to me, which in reality is 30 feet away, my frame said she wants to be near me.

I can certainly appreciate the fantasy that type of frame can create, but it is still fantasy.  The only difference is that I took the Red Pill.  The pill is completely symbolic in that it's a statement of my wanting to change, but it can't do the work for me.  I still need to want to see the reality of my world and work every day to accept it.  Pretending that some hot girl really wants me is not being Alpha, or having a great frame, it's just being intellectually lazy and living in a fantasy world STILL.  It's not really that different from taking the Blue Pill.  It's a fantasy creation of the real world.  It may be a different fantasy then what you saw before taking the pills, but it's still a made up creation of your own imagination.

Most guys who start this journey really like to focus on the physical side of transforming ourselves and I'm not any different.  But we all must commit to making real changes so we don't fall into bad habits.  Not seeing the world clearly as an Alpha is no better then not seeing it as a Beta.  It is still an artificial construct and must be broken through so we can live in the real world.

Friday, July 5, 2013

So Why Do I Blog?

There are probably as many reasons to start a blog as there are people who write them, but I just wanted to put my idea out there for why I choose to blog..

Not too long ago I cam across an old journal.

You see I, like I think many people, always take the start of the new year to try and make some changes to my life.  Over the years I have had different ideas on what I wanted to do and what I wanted to change about myself.

And nearly every-time I started this process, I wrote about it in my journal.  I don't think the individual entries are all that important so I won't post anything about them.  What I did find fascinating is how my views, and writing, changed over the years.  What was important enough to write several pages about 10 years ago is hardly worth two lines today.  I could also imagine my younger self having a good laugh over all the old guy stuff I focus on now.

Right or wrong, good or bad, my journal is the road map of all the places my head has been over years.

And that is why I blog.  I'm not so full of myself to think that anyone really cares about what I have to say on most things.  I may eventually become a better writer and get a following, but truthfully I'm blogging just so I can come back and read it later.  My first posting for this blog was a little over two months ago, and even just over that time I can see some changes.  Nothing earth shattering, but subtle enough that I enjoy looking at my posts.

I can't wait to see how different I will be a year from now or ten years from now.  The physical/male side is easy to track by looking at the weights I life and how often I have sex, but the internal stuff that I think is actually more important is much harder to see.

How many of us now track what we eat, or how much we lift, but never thought to keep track of what's going on in our heads.   The physical/male side is easy to track but the internal stuff that I think is actually more important and is also much harder to see.  Many of us start the Red Pill journey by trying to improve our physical selves but the real point of all this is to improve the whole person.

Like my lifting or diet log this blog is just a snapshot of today.  Nothing more or less, but it's still something that has proven to be very interesting.And like my other logs once I hit a certain number I should be able to maintain it without backsliding.  That doesn't always happen in the gym, and can say without hesitation it doesn't always happen in my head either.

I blog to keep a record of where I have been, what I've done to move forward, and were I have moved to.

So far it's been fun and a good outlet for what is usually hidden in my head.