Tuesday, May 5, 2015

Point of View

Over on the MMSL Forum I have seen a real ebb and flow of attitudes.  I had mentioned before that when I first discovered the Red Pill I would be on the forum but eventually lost interest as it seemed like the entire place had been taken over by the Asshole is Alpha group.

I decided to see if anything has changed recently and was pleasantly surprised to notice that the majority of forum participants seem to have driven off those who use the Red Pill as an excuse to just be abusive to women.  With this new found abundance of helpful information I have been spending more like lurking about and seeing what other men are up to.

In my reading I noticed the use of the Triage Questions.  These are a set of question designed to illicit a response that will give everyone reading the post some insight into a persons life.  The questions revolve around better defining what is going on that is causing the sex to dry up in each relationship. 

Below is a link to the list along with a brief outline of the questions.  The link will take you to a detailed explanation of what is needed for each one.

Married Man Sex Life Triage Questions
Question One – Basic Questions
Question Two – Rule Out Medical
Question Three – Rule Out Structural Attraction Issues
Question Four – Rule Out Critical Moments and Neglect
Question Five – Rule Out Outside Sexual Sources
Question Six – When Did the Sex Go Bad?
Question Seven – What Was the Sex Like at the Start of the Relationship?
Question Eight – What’s the Elephant in the Room?
Question Nine – Who is the Leader in your Marriage?

Question Ten – Tell Us About the Good Times
At first glance the questions seem very straight forward and so are the answers provided but I recently came to a revelation about the questions and one that is also helping me address some issues.  This is specifically about questions three and four.

On the surface three and four seem pretty simple.  What are the  structural issues in the relationship that are cause the drop in attraction and what are the critical moments of neglect.  Most guys will answer these, but it will always be from their point of view.  That is where I failed as well.

My personal situation is our money.  I make a very good living but we also spend a lot.  There is no gambling or substance issues but we do enjoy eating out and letting the kids do a large number of activities that always cost money.  This has been true ever since we had kids 15 years ago and since then we have lived pay check to pay check.  My checks are usually pretty large so it's no big deal.....to me at least. And that is the problem.

I need to remind myself that the MAP is about improving myself, but it has to be from the point of view of a female.  As guys when we look at the triage questions we will always answer them the same way.  The first step is to start working out and dressing better because for us that would be at the top of the list for attraction.  My wifes ability to budget or earn has no effect on my desire to fuck her.  But how she looks and how she dresses does.  When looking at myself I started with my own perspective so I refocused my workouts and diet to improve my physical appearance and started dressing better.  This had absolutely no effect on her and I didn't understand why.  But then my realization came this past few weeks.

The money/spending issue is something I need to work on but it doesn't bother me.  I don't lay awake at night worrying if we will ever save enough money to buy a house.  My wife recently told me that now that we live in Texas she has a fear that the house we rent will be destroyed by a tornado and we won't have money to move.  To me that's just ridiculous but as I finally figured out it doesn't matter what I think.  It only matters what she thinks or feels.  My belief that my marriage is not salvageable has not changed, but I need to look at my MAP and the work I am doing from the perspective of my next possible wife.  While the next, and hopefully last wife, might not have the same issues she will most likely not be OK with how I handle my business right now.

Spending time in the gym and eating is important to my large goals but it won't be the way to a woman's heart.  The body will get me in the door but I need to have a complete game with no holes.  I don't have that right now but it's clearly something I need to make a priority.

Like everything on this blog this is just one more step in my journey.  I'm grateful to have figured this step out and it will give me much to work on and think about moving forward to create a better me.